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It’s another one of those mornings that I feel like I must write. Something. Not really sure where/how this will end up so please just indulge my need to type.
I have fizzy pop brain. That is what I call it when I feel like my brain is bulging with too much information and then someone comes along and shakes it all up. I have particles of information flying everywhere inside my brain trying desperately to get out. Yet none of it makes sense. This is fizzy pop brain.
I am shocked the number of times in the last few weeks that I have had a conversation related to chaos. Last week when I was headed to New York my super organized friends were appalled I was packing an hour before the car got here. In New York people were amazed I wasn’t worried about checking my flight. Lots of these little conversations about how different my thought processes are from most of the people I know. I fly by the seat of my pants. That sometimes means my underwear shows. But mostly its a great thrill.
I wasn’t always like this. But 13 years ago I changed. I started to learn that life was not something I could control. I could have the best laid plans and it didn’t matter. There were big things that I couldn’t control. I had to learn to roll with the punches.
28 surgeries, umpteen illnesses, all sorts of ups and downs have made me realize that I can start my day with an intent but have to remain open to the fact that my intent is not the intent the universe has for me that day.
I seem chaotic, adhd, flakey to a lot of people. And I am. Because life if fluid not fixed. I like that who I have become is someone who is perfectly willing to go out in the rain and explore Times Square or drop everything to play Sorry with the kiddo.I love knowing that I have the strength to handle another hospital visit today if we had to. I love that I don’t feel a need to worry about how I would handle certain things. I know I will. No matter what it is. I always do.
I don’t like that there are days, like today, when I have to give up a fabulous girls day at a spa in Vail. But I do like the people I choose to have in my chaotic life know that is just my reality. They accept it as a side order of me.
I come with a warning label. “Caution: Changes Directions Easily”