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It’s another one of those mornings that I feel like I must write. Something. Not really sure where/how this will end up so please just indulge my need to type.
I have fizzy pop brain. That is what I call it when I feel like my brain is bulging with too much information and then someone comes along and shakes it all up. I have particles of information flying everywhere inside my brain trying desperately to get out. Yet none of it makes sense. This is fizzy pop brain.
I am shocked the number of times in the last few weeks that I have had a conversation related to chaos. Last week when I was headed to New York my super organized friends were appalled I was packing an hour before the car got here. In New York people were amazed I wasn’t worried about checking my flight. Lots of these little conversations about how different my thought processes are from most of the people I know. I fly by the seat of my pants. That sometimes means my underwear shows. But mostly its a great thrill.
I wasn’t always like this. But 13 years ago I changed. I started to learn that life was not something I could control. I could have the best laid plans and it didn’t matter. There were big things that I couldn’t control. I had to learn to roll with the punches.
28 surgeries, umpteen illnesses, all sorts of ups and downs have made me realize that I can start my day with an intent but have to remain open to the fact that my intent is not the intent the universe has for me that day.
I seem chaotic, adhd, flakey to a lot of people. And I am. Because life if fluid not fixed. I like that who I have become is someone who is perfectly willing to go out in the rain and explore Times Square or drop everything to play Sorry with the kiddo.I love knowing that I have the strength to handle another hospital visit today if we had to. I love that I don’t feel a need to worry about how I would handle certain things. I know I will. No matter what it is. I always do.
I don’t like that there are days, like today, when I have to give up a fabulous girls day at a spa in Vail. But I do like the people I choose to have in my chaotic life know that is just my reality. They accept it as a side order of me.
I come with a warning label. “Caution: Changes Directions Easily”
Love you the way you are. 🙂
Love you Barb and as always, admire your strength. We all need to let go a little and stop trying to control every aspect of our lives.
Totally agree. I have found over the years, the less I try to control, the more I am in control. Being in control is an illusion. I think once you reach a level of acceptance with that chaos actually becomes calm. Does that make sense?
Perfect sense.
Love this: “I love that I don’t feel a need to worry about how I would handle certain things. I know I will. No matter what it is. I always do.”
I bet a lot of people wish they could handle chaos as well as you do. I don’t need much time to pack either–I travel often enough that I have the routine down. Besides speaking as a New Yorker, I can assure you that there are dozens of stores within a 2 block radius of any hotel where you can pick up anything you might’ve forgotten. No one needs to stress too much about packing when coming here–as long as the laundry is done! Going to post any pix of the trip?
That was an awesome comment. Thank you! I will post some pics soon. Or soonish
I have realized that some days I’m on and other day’s I’m off. But like you, I realize I am not in control of this life so let’s just go with it! Chaos and all 🙂