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Right now I would love to hear a doctor say that word.
F. Fibromyalgia.
As strange as that sounds, I am at a point where Fibro would be such a blessing to hear.
I was fairly certain going into all this that I would hear the doctor say the F word and I found myself struggling with it. Mostly because fibro is what they say when your body constantly feels like a truck ran you over or someone randomly lights your limbs on fire. But they cant REALLY find anything to explain it. It feels sort of fake. Like its a word used to pat you on the head and send you out the door. Cause there isn’t really a definitive test for fibro like there would be for so many other conditions. And I know that is part of the problem with diagnosing conditions like this.
Don’t get me wrong, I do understand that fibro is a very real thing and those living with it for years have faced such unfair stigmatizisms. And I do understand that I have all the tell tale signs and symptoms. Google diagnosed me long before the doctor did. I do understand that how I feel is summed up by the word fibromyalgia. And so I went in ready to hear the F world.
But it didn’t happen like that.
The doctor saw something unusual. A high reaction to an antibody test used to screen for lupus.
Within 24 hours I was visiting a Rheumatologist. She was very nice and explained things clearly and simply to me. She prepped me for and ran loads and loads of tests. Dracula probably would have taken less blood.
In two weeks Bob and I will go in to discuss these results. We will talk about the extent of any damage and what all these things mean. We will hopefully get some answers to our many, many questions. And make a plan for living with ‘this’.
In the meantime I am just laying low, resting to deal with the symptoms I have, making changes like eating gluten-free (may morph into low-gluten). It is helping me get a little more energy.
I have had a few days of wallowing in self pity and chocolate, and then a few more researching all I can.
This is part of me moving on to the next stage in acceptance. Changing my F word to a new one. One that I hope inspires all of us when facing oncoming struggles.
