We may earn money or products from the companies mentioned or linked to in this post, including Amazon Affiliate links.
People seem to think that special needs parents have a super hero cape that was issued on the day our kids were diagnosed. If they do, I must have skipped that line. Or else the dry cleaner lost it. I think that perception is because so many of us are able to function beautifully in crisis situations. Yes, I can handle surgeries and hospitals and waiting rooms and tests and and and….
What you don’t see are the meltdowns that occur over the little things.
The things like it taking 30 minutes and a crowbar to get a pair of pants over a leg not shaped like everyone else. Or the destroying of a $15 bandage cause you dropped it. Or taking a crew of people to accomplish a simple shower. THESE are the times when that mythical cape lay torn and tattered in a crumple mess on the bathroom floor that hasn’t been mopped in a month.
These are the times you don’t see. Me screaming and crying cause I can’t find a shoe. Or being so exhausted that literally sitting in this chair hurts. Or going postal on the person driving too slow in front of me. My imaginary cape tends to hide all that from the world.
Or maybe it doesn’t. Lately I have been tired and cranky and judgmental. I have been quick to snap. Quick to scream. Quick to cry. Quick to lose my patience. Quick to be negative.
and I am always surprised by it. And hard on myself because of it.
Cause I do hold it all together so well when everyone thinks I should be a mess.
And I am not the only one. I have talked to many special needs moms that have gone through this. Apparently, one can only be super so long before eventually your human shows. These are the things that no one tells the new special needs parent.
It’s after the crisis that your resolve is quietly tested. It’s when everyone thinks you have conquered the summit that you are barely hanging onto the cliff with your last artificial nail.
That is when you need the support of awesome friends like Melissa that make you cookies, Suzanne and Laura who know the value of a cosmo (or 10), a mom who throws a load in the washer, a husband who brings home takeout, kids that are resilient and a dog that loves you unconditionally.
Cause you know how to handle a tsunami. It’s forgetting an umbrella during a spring shower that will throw you. Every. Time.
So well expressed, Barb. I’ve noticed this on occasion, too.
I reserve the right to marvel at you anyway.
I think you are amazing for all that you do and handle but I know you are “only human” and *that* is why I love you.
Beautifully written Barb! You are an amazing Mama and are entitled to have meltdowns when ever you want. But PS- don’t pretend like you don’t actually have Super Hero Cape that you prance around the house in with your tiara from time to time 😉
xo
I love ya, human-ness and all. 🙂 Your post made me realize that mommy having a meltdown doesn’t make me a bad mom.
You are so lucky to have friends and family to hold you up when you need them!
I think we hold on when we need to because we need to. We stay strong with the most important things and the less important become more than frustrations and they therefore become the sufferers of our own brand of meltdowns. I don’t think there’s a one of us who stays strong throughout. At least, I hope there’s not…I don’t. Any time, you can contact me!
I cannot even imagine what you are going through. You are my hero 🙂
Barb – you are amazing and definitely have a super hero cape. But we are all human. I have major meltdowns over minor issues and lose it when no one is watching and I don’t have all the extra, difficult things to endure like you do. I’m here if you ever need anything. I may be out having my own meltdown but I’m here if you need anything.
So nicely written Barb… I think all of this goes for all parents, Moms/Dads/Caregivers who work both in and out of the house. We are all doing the best we can with what we have and most of us have a hard time giving ourselves a break for being human.
Barb,
Very well put, I have to constantly remind myself that my little boys are children first in spite of their SB. And that they are not made of glass. Since my wife and I have SB, we tend to be practical about how we approach it, and that we were once ourselves at that stage in life. So, frustrations happen about things, tumbles and road rash happen while our youngsters are learning their way. But we cope, adapt and life goes on. Take care of mommy and daddy as well as the kiddos. Otherwise we fall apart. Quite a bit of your blog and forum posts hit really close to home, but the fact that we are not alone matters. Very nice post.
This is right on and I admire you so many times
I love you lady that helps make me strong by following your lead .
Thank you my favorite Super mom